I must admit, it's quite strange to have woken up in my own house for the second day in a row, ( I can't say my own bed, for it's in Columbus), the same routine of years past fall back into place. Waking up my siblings long before they wish to open their eyes, taking turns in the bathroom, cramming four of us in there just to try and catch a glimpse at the the mirror; some things will never change.
And yet, it's also strange because of the circumstances as why I have been home. Of course, it's the holidays, Thanksgiving Day to be exact, but my body and mind keep trying to tell me that it's only for a short time, its not yet time to be home; but I know that that's not reality for the time being.
Yesterday I returned to Cleveland Clinic, a city within a city to be honest, one of the largest hospitals campuses that I have ever laid eyes upon. My mom, dad and I made the 2.5 hour drive there for a series of different appointments to prepare for next week's surgery. We got to meet with my surgeon, Dr. Roscino, which was such a pleasure. She's one of those women that walks into the room, and her presence just makes you feel at peace regardless of what situation you may be facing. As we sat with her, we discussed what the following week would look like. Surgery is set for 8:30am Wednesday, December 1st, if you remember it was suppose to be on Monday, but someone needed the spot a little bit more than me. Also, the day before the surgery I am going to be heading to a branch hospital in Brunswick for another series of MRI's that are suppose to last about 1.5 hours. The MRI will be on my whole spine just to be sure there wasn't any further damage done because of the extent of the Chiari. It should be quite interesting trying to stay still for that long when I can't even sit still for more than 15 minuets. It's been confirmed that I have Restless Leg Syndrom after months of joking about it to my housemates about it, and it's become difficult to sit still for any amount time. RLS is a symptom of Chiari so I wasn't too surprised.
We talked again about what they are going to be doing during the procedure: remove a few tiny bones from my vertebre, cauterize the brain tissue and insert a titanium mesh plate in the dura to create more space where all the pressure is built up in my head and such. It'll be about a four inch incision on the back of my neck and into the lower part of my head. She said they won't have to shave too much hair, but I replied that it really didn't matter to me how much, that it could be a fashion statement; being an art major I can pretty much get away with anything these days, ha.
The surgery is to last around five hours, to me I guess it won't seem that long, but forever one else I understand it might not be too much fun as my parents reminded me. But after that, I will be taken to the Peds ICU for the remainder of the day and the first night, but; after that my stay in the hospital will really depend upon how much pain I am in and how quickly I am able to get up and moving around. So, that could mean anywhere between 2-4 days. We are so thankful that my parents and family and friends will be able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House that is there in Cleveland to accommodate them with whatever happens. And my friends, that's pretty much the rundown on what the next week is going to look like.
On an evening as such, Thanksgiving Day to be exact, it would be easy to be ungrateful, fearful, or frustrated at the situation at hand. I am sure that I could compile a lengthy list of things that fit under all those categories. But I am faced with a choice, to choose to be thankful or well.. the opposite. As the song "Give Me Faith" plays on my itunes, I must admit; it's the cry of my heart.
" I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me."
" My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will"
"Give me faith, to trust what You say, that You're good,
and Your love is great"
" I'm broken inside, I give you my life"
I am not super women, there is still a hint of fear in my heart, worry runs sprints across my mind, physical pain weakens my body and clouds my mind, but I am reminded by truth that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Well, I sure have an abundance of weakness, therefore; His power must be raining down like a monsoon as in the summer months of India. Peace, which transcends all understanding, has been my close companion through the last month. From the first MRI, to the news of brain surgery, to today as I sit here in the presence of my always entertaining family about the greatness of our God.
Many of you have wondered and even asked, how I could be so calm, so "ok" with what's going on. If you want the honest answer, I have not the slightest inclination as to why when looking at the situation through the eyes of my flesh. But when examined through the lens of my Father's eyes, the answer isn't hard to find. God has made promises to His children. To never leave their side (Hebrews 13:5), to pour our peace and grace ( John 1:16, Phil. 4:4-7), a surplus of love always ( 1 Peter 5:7, John 15:13), and He has held true to His promises throughout this time in my life. It's really the only answer that I have as to why I am responding to this situation the way I am, because of the great " I Am".
And so I give thanks. Thanks to the One who has not failed me yet. Though at times I may feel as if I am alone in the dark, searching for the light I fear I will never find, though the pain at times seems unbearable and quite possibly that I am losing my mind, I choose to give thanks. Because I hold onto a promise that goes far beyond what any of us could ever imagine.
Until next time...
By His Grace
MaKenzie
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesu
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
And yet, it's also strange because of the circumstances as why I have been home. Of course, it's the holidays, Thanksgiving Day to be exact, but my body and mind keep trying to tell me that it's only for a short time, its not yet time to be home; but I know that that's not reality for the time being.
Yesterday I returned to Cleveland Clinic, a city within a city to be honest, one of the largest hospitals campuses that I have ever laid eyes upon. My mom, dad and I made the 2.5 hour drive there for a series of different appointments to prepare for next week's surgery. We got to meet with my surgeon, Dr. Roscino, which was such a pleasure. She's one of those women that walks into the room, and her presence just makes you feel at peace regardless of what situation you may be facing. As we sat with her, we discussed what the following week would look like. Surgery is set for 8:30am Wednesday, December 1st, if you remember it was suppose to be on Monday, but someone needed the spot a little bit more than me. Also, the day before the surgery I am going to be heading to a branch hospital in Brunswick for another series of MRI's that are suppose to last about 1.5 hours. The MRI will be on my whole spine just to be sure there wasn't any further damage done because of the extent of the Chiari. It should be quite interesting trying to stay still for that long when I can't even sit still for more than 15 minuets. It's been confirmed that I have Restless Leg Syndrom after months of joking about it to my housemates about it, and it's become difficult to sit still for any amount time. RLS is a symptom of Chiari so I wasn't too surprised.
We talked again about what they are going to be doing during the procedure: remove a few tiny bones from my vertebre, cauterize the brain tissue and insert a titanium mesh plate in the dura to create more space where all the pressure is built up in my head and such. It'll be about a four inch incision on the back of my neck and into the lower part of my head. She said they won't have to shave too much hair, but I replied that it really didn't matter to me how much, that it could be a fashion statement; being an art major I can pretty much get away with anything these days, ha.
The surgery is to last around five hours, to me I guess it won't seem that long, but forever one else I understand it might not be too much fun as my parents reminded me. But after that, I will be taken to the Peds ICU for the remainder of the day and the first night, but; after that my stay in the hospital will really depend upon how much pain I am in and how quickly I am able to get up and moving around. So, that could mean anywhere between 2-4 days. We are so thankful that my parents and family and friends will be able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House that is there in Cleveland to accommodate them with whatever happens. And my friends, that's pretty much the rundown on what the next week is going to look like.
On an evening as such, Thanksgiving Day to be exact, it would be easy to be ungrateful, fearful, or frustrated at the situation at hand. I am sure that I could compile a lengthy list of things that fit under all those categories. But I am faced with a choice, to choose to be thankful or well.. the opposite. As the song "Give Me Faith" plays on my itunes, I must admit; it's the cry of my heart.
" I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me."
" My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will"
"Give me faith, to trust what You say, that You're good,
and Your love is great"
" I'm broken inside, I give you my life"
I am not super women, there is still a hint of fear in my heart, worry runs sprints across my mind, physical pain weakens my body and clouds my mind, but I am reminded by truth that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Well, I sure have an abundance of weakness, therefore; His power must be raining down like a monsoon as in the summer months of India. Peace, which transcends all understanding, has been my close companion through the last month. From the first MRI, to the news of brain surgery, to today as I sit here in the presence of my always entertaining family about the greatness of our God.
Many of you have wondered and even asked, how I could be so calm, so "ok" with what's going on. If you want the honest answer, I have not the slightest inclination as to why when looking at the situation through the eyes of my flesh. But when examined through the lens of my Father's eyes, the answer isn't hard to find. God has made promises to His children. To never leave their side (Hebrews 13:5), to pour our peace and grace ( John 1:16, Phil. 4:4-7), a surplus of love always ( 1 Peter 5:7, John 15:13), and He has held true to His promises throughout this time in my life. It's really the only answer that I have as to why I am responding to this situation the way I am, because of the great " I Am".
And so I give thanks. Thanks to the One who has not failed me yet. Though at times I may feel as if I am alone in the dark, searching for the light I fear I will never find, though the pain at times seems unbearable and quite possibly that I am losing my mind, I choose to give thanks. Because I hold onto a promise that goes far beyond what any of us could ever imagine.
Until next time...
By His Grace
MaKenzie
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesu
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
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