Right Where I'm Suppose To Be

Do you ever feel like you're always not where you should be? That you may have missed the mark, misread the directions, were confused by the static in the atmosphere?  Before arriving in Venezuela, I feared with great confidence that I indeed was living in a perpetual state of such mis-belonging, feeling like a vagabond in my skin at times. Threatened by confidence in my short term future by a sudden and most shocking change of direction from certainty to complete and utter lostness, I began to doubt my ability to discern God's voice and faltered in  not only my ability to trust but my willingness.  It had all made sense, all the cards had fallen in the right place. I'd work for the first time in three summers and begin preparing for my future after graduating in December. I'd work on my art work...because that's what artists do you see. It made sense. I'd begin to discover what it looks like to walk with Jesus in a church community without Cru meetings every week and hundreds of students challenging me to seek him, I'd grow in my independence walking with Jesus. But the perfect job fell through and I was left with confusion and anger towards the Lord, followed by fear and than anger.... All with less than two months before summer. Venezuela. A new word I kept hearing from the Lord. Or was it God? Or was it my own selfish desires spurring me on to make self-motivated decisions. Going away for the fourth summer in a row didn't make sense to anyone.. Including myself. So how could it have been?  Thousands of questioned flooded my head for the weeks to come, and finally I said yes to the urging of my Spirit within mine, daring to go against my flesh and many voices around me, and say yes to coming to Venezuela...  So this seems a little drawn out and perhaps its pointless information.. But I think I'm going somewhere with this.. So just hold on...  Can we know where God wants us to be?Can I know God's will for my life now?  Does God still speak to us today in ways we can truly know and understand? Questions like this flooded my mind as I agreed by faith to say yes to the Lord. Have you ever found yourself asking these questions?  I believe the answers to all of such questions is yes, one-hundred times over. God's word has made it very clear that we have direct connection to Himself via His Holy Spirit living and working in and through us. It says that we have the very mind of Christ. He says delight yourself in the Lord and He'll grant you the desires of your heart. (because when we are seeking Him our desires will be His desires.. How crazy is that?!)  So how does this all relate to anything i've previously said? Well to be honest.... Im still trying to process through that.. But I believe God has indeed shed some light on the subject.  Since being in Venezuela, Abba has convinced me with His love and gracious blessings and the reality of how badly I need Him that I indeed am exactly where I am suppose to be. In this very moment, writing these very words.. Sometimes I know because of the way He's chosen to show to me His amazing love through amazing friendships with joy-filled, Jesus-loving Venezuelans named Haifa, or it's the scent in the early morning air when no one else is awake but these cute yellow birds and I see the sun rising over the surround mountains... I've been convinced by the challenges and sufferings i've wrestle through since being here... And even by the wretchedness of my sin that's been revealed... When it comes down to it.. God's sovereignty and absolutely relentless love has convinced me... At least for the time being that I am exactly where I am suppose to be...