Falling Facedown, A Prayer Poured Out

There's nothing I hold onto. I desire to die to myself, to fully receive your Grace but it seems my flesh desires things in selfish pride, in my need to relieve others of suffering and be their "savior", and I am motivated by my ulterior motives. It is true that I am able to say I'm dead to all of these things because of your Grace? How much love You must love me with, that one man would make a way into Your presence, make a way to righteousness; not only for me but for all of  humanity. This love. I cannot begin to fathom it, and at the same time, I long to drown in an ocean of it.


I long to venture down into the very depths of it. I know there are moments when I'll be afraid, and fear for my life. When doubt strikes me with fear and I begin to feebly attempt to breathe on my own, when I realize that I am suffocating myself in my own pride to do it on my own, Your Grace will breathe life into my tired and weary soul.  Deeper. I want to go deeper into Your love. Won't You take me deeper? Because I don't just wonder about more of You or even merely want it. I'm coming to a place of complete and utter desperation for more of You, for all of You.  


Set free from the law, its no longer sacrifice you require but a humble and contrite spirit. In the weakness and wretchedness of my self, of my flesh; I cannot carry out what my spirit, the new creation You've made me to be, desires. But in the Grace You pour out, I'm able to do and experience more than I could ever possibly imagine. Seeds can be sown in love and truth, a harvest can be reaped.  Blind eyes can be opened, hardened hearts softened, lives transformed, Your Kingdom advanced. 


Yet, in my brokenness and filth, I seek honor and glory for myself. Why? I read the Word You've called Your own and see that I can be transformed by the renewal of my mind through Grace. Why do I hold on and try to keep what needs pruned and plucked, thrown into the fiery furnace  and burned away? Manifest the truth that my most righteous acts are like filthy rags. That I might lay my spirit and physical body, that which You call Your temple, prostrate in the dirt with my hands turned to reflect every every ounce of Glory back to You. 


I need You. I need You to come and change my heart, my spirit to be more in the likeness of You. You say I have the mind of the One You called Your own. To be honest, I mock that truth at times, because I know the disgust that goes on within my own mind, how could the two ever correlate? But in my spirit, I believe it. Fill my mind with thoughts like those of Your faithful Son. Thoughts of compassion, of counting everyone else as more significant than myself, of servanthood, and ultimately a mind set on bringing Glory to You and You alone.


Breathe Your presence on me. Surround me completely. I long to enter into the quiet place. The secret place where I can year you speaking to me. Take me to the place where only You and I can know. The place where intimacy reaches depths that I have never known before. Im calling out to You. Do you hear me? Will you come to me, for I am crying out for more of You. To no one else can I turn, for the lesser loves leave me broken, hurt and empty. The momentary satisfaction they provide never fully satisfies. But You, Oh how You satisfy, for that is Your promise to me is it not? That You alone can satisfy.  


Forgive me, for my heart and mind have turned their back on You. I have been adulterous. I even dare say i've whored myself out to lesser loves than You. Who am I, that You would take me back into Your arms? That id hear You say "you're pure and perfect to Me, beloved"? Of these things I cannot understand. The vastness of this love I care to call my own strikes fear in my soul, yet beckons be to surrender all I am and dare to be drawn near. 


My mind reminds me of my unworthiness, of the filth that exists within but for a moment that seems like an eternity at times, but I turn away as I come to the realization of how undeserving and depraved I am and how you still am called into Your love by this Grace that never ceases to leave me perplexed and in wonderment. It calls my name again. My head hung low in shame is lifted by the hands that have been pierced for my redemption, my salvation, that purchased my eternity.


Of this love, I'll never get enough. But still, I long for more. I'm so undeserving of all You are. Yet, You're so deserving of all my love. My life. My everything. So, though I know I'm prone to wander, prone to turn away. I pour out myself. With Everything. Would You take it all? My hands are open, take what you want. Take what keeps me from You and give me more of You. Give me strength to chose to soak up Your Grace and the ability to receive all You have for me.


I'm crying out to You. May my life reflect Your love, which is enough. It's all I want to want, for I know it's all that I need. Here I am. Life laid before You. Would You come?

The Adventure Continues

As I sit down to write, a cascade of thoughts and emotions flood my mind. I fear that no matter what words fill this page in the following moments, words won't do justice to what has happened in the last two months.

I last left off returning back to school after a month and a half adventure that took me to Cleveland for brain surgery, back home for a month of recovery, to Indianapolis for a conference with 3,000+ students and back to Columbus, Ohio to start Winter quarter at The Ohio State University... I don't know what I was thinking assuming things were going back to "normal" or that the adventure was ending, it was really just beginning.

The past ten weeks of my life have most definitely been ten of the most challenging, draining, life-giving, growing, emotion-provoking weeks of my life. Its funny looking back now to think that I was going to be able to go back to my "normal" fast-paced, busy, restless schedule. Psych. I am sure that I amused a lot of my friends as I tried to do this the first week or so back at school. Quickly did I realize my body wasn't done healing, and that I was about to enter into the season of rest that I thought I had already passed out of.

Rest. To be honest I loathe the word. Rest reminds me of every thing that I cannot achieve on my own, of my weakness, of my need for something more than my own drive to be someone. And yet, at the same time; its the very thing that my soul has been longing for. Why is it that we fear what we need the most? That we run from the very thing is calling out our name? I havn't an answer to either of these questions, but they are realizations that I have come to.. well realize in my own life. So I had a choice. Was I going to stop running?

It took the first 4 or 5 weeks of the quarter for me to break down my pride, and admit that these things were true. It's beem amazing how God has givien me the opportunity to step out in faith and surrender to Him more and more every day since I have resolved that things needed to change. One of the hardest things has been the lack of time spent with people that I love. I felt as if I was letting them down by not being as involved in their lives, but God has shown me that time spent alone with Him far surpasses the fellowship that I have with the amazing people He placed me in community with, and when I came to see that, relationships started to go deeper, funny how that works huh? Nothing is better than being alone with the one who has the power and the ability to give abuntantly the good things that we desire.

Another area that I have had to trust Him in is with preparing to head back to South Asia for the summer. I have yet again begun the the process of preparing myself for the emotional, physical and spiritual adventure it is to spend two months in a country with rich and life giving culture. I have the amazing privledge of going back as student staff, and I am excited to get to lead both girls and guys alike in another crazy adventure. Right now I am in the process of raising the $5,950 that it costs for the trip this summer. I have sent out letters and am trusting the Lord to bring it all in as he has in the past. If you want to know more about my trip or are interested in reading my support letter, email me at makenzie15.5@gmail.com, and if you feel led to, you can support me financially online at https://give.ccci.org/give and entering my name, MaKenzie Frank, into the search bar.

It's funny because after rereading all that, I feel that I really didn't do a remendous job at portraying the last 10 weeks, but hey, it is what it is haha..

The adventure continues.. of that I am sure.. 

I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
   With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
 ⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
   my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
   nor will you let your faithful^[a] one see decay.  --Psalm 16:8-10

by His grace...

MaKenzie

2011, A Year of...

January 3rd. Really? That's the question I found myself waking up to this morning. Could it really be January 3rd already, and sure enough, it is. The third day into the new year for all, a day of catching up on sleep for some, and the first day of school for a select few, one of them being me. This morning on Ohio State's campus students are walking through the cold to the start of a new quarter, but what if they were walking into a quarter where their lives were changed?

On Saturday night I returned to my house in Columbus for the first time in over a month. Little recap, December 1st I had brain surgery and spent the next three weeks recovery at home, and Monday December 27th, was cleared by my surgeon to attend Indycc which is a week long conference for college students were we are challenged in our walk with the Lord through seminars, amazing speakers, heavenly times of worship and time with friends. I fot to ring in the new year with 2,500 other college students with prayer and worship, something truly amazing. Needless to say, I was blessed and thankful to be there after all that had happened. And although my body was/is physically tired because of all the walking and activity, my heart and spirit are refreshed and yet challenged at the same time for what the next month, quarter and year have in store for me.

I believe that the Lord has revealed that there will be two distinct themes for 2011 for my life. 2011 will be a year of prayer and a year of the Spirit of the Lord. I can hardly wait to see what those two things manifest into over the next months of my life, but I truly believe that it's going to be better than anything that I have experienced up to this point in my life! 

My challenge to you my friends is what is your year going to be about? It's not about stupid resolutions that you make that won't last through the end of the month or about some new challenge that you place in front of yourself that will inevitably cause you to fail. The real question is what does GOD the Father have in store for you this year, because it's only through His strength and provision that you will succeed in the next year to be honset friends. Maybe God is asking you if you think He is really worth your life, maybe He is calling you into a new ministry or into a new relationship that will draw you closer to Him, it could be to missions or simply to be a better friend, spouse, student or follower of His Son Jesus?

Whatever it is my friends, I pray that you would seek it fervently with all that you have.

if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and PRAY and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. --> 2 Chronicles 7:14

By His Grace,

MaKenzie