I'm not very skilled at keeping up with this thing called "blog". It's nearly been a year since my last post when I was over seas in South Asia.. and now I sit here on the front porch of what has been dubbed "the White House". It resides on South Campus at The Ohio State University, the dwelling place that I have come to know as home over these past four years that have flown by in a more literal than metaphorical blink of the eye. But thankfully ( or maybe not so thankfully?) I will be here in Columbus for another year for my first and last semester of school.. I guess that's what happens when you decide to have brain surgery whilst in college..
I am not sure I can put into words what this past school year has been like in a small enough quantity that you or anyone would want to sit and read it all.. my fourth, but not last; year here at Ohio State has by far been the most challenging relationally, academically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.. and any other "ally" that you can think of to be honest.. I have hated it at times... and rejoiced in it at others.
I have found life in new friendships and have grown to value and not take for granted the friendship of those who have been by my side through hell and back through the past four years. I watched my best friend get married, very soon I will be watching some of the most influential people in my life leave the country. I have broken the hearts of people that I love because of my wretched sin and have seen grace cover it time and time again ( I fail a lot if you didn't catch that). I have experienced joy unspeakable and hit rock bottom, sometimes in the same moment. I have cried tears evoked by pain and sorrow and cried tears that were inspired by none but the Spirit Himself. I laughed. a lot. i like to laugh.
Not many things have remained constant throughout the pats nine months, but the one thing that has remained steady was the Lord's pursuit of more of me throughout it all. There were times when I felt I was all alone, and moments when I knew that He was standing right there beside me. I am learning about what it means to be in a desert place and what it means to be in the garden. and how that can change on a daily basis. it's like a spiritual whiplash. but one that is purging me of the things that keep me from a deeper intimacy with my Maker and my Beloved Pursuer and drawing me into that Secret Place.
The year (school year) is ending with the beginning of a new adventure. One that was very unexpected, that I even was resistant to at the start of it all. I thought that for the first time in three years I would be in Columbus for the summer, making money, ( i am an artist. i have none). But when plans fell through for a job that i was most assured of, I didn't have a plan b. Most smart people have a plan b.. I was pretty flustered with the Lord, I thought that I knew what the Lord wanted for me this summer, but I was wrong. How could be not having this amazing art job, that actually was going to pay me, not be what He wanted? But He is sovereign right? That's the question that I kept asking myself in the days following.
Every time that I would sit and annoyingly pray about my summer, Venezuela ( a country in South America that Ohio State Cru has a partnership with) kept coming to my mind, my heart; something of that nature. To be honest, I was flat out against it. "there is no way that this is where you want me for the summer". That's what I would tell God.. like i had any right to tell God what He wanted for me..
But the more I prayed.. the more it came up. So much so to the point where the Thursday following me not getting the job to prove to God that I wasn't suppose to go... i started filling out the application for the 4 week trip to Valencia, Venezuela.. how that was to prove something. I am not sure. But i argued with the Lord til 3am that night as I filled out the application.
Finally, I came to a point where I told God.. if you want me to go.. you are going to have to flat out tell me.. because I have no idea what you want for me.. I know that God usually doesn't work this way.. He allows us to trust in the discernment and Spirit that He placed within us to make choices.. which scares me that He does that. That He would trust me.. that I would trust Him.. to do what is best for me..
That following Sunday.. I got a call from someone telling me that there was one spot left on the team.. and heard I was thinking about it..
Thanks God. Okay. You want me to go to Venezuela. i get it. I thought that I would be smart and tell God well, if you want me to go, finish my support by June 1st ( I had decided to go almost 5 months after most people and so I had shorter time to raise the full amount to go) But God, He's funny. He's Sovereign. He finished my support three days before June 1st.
So. just a few short days from now I will be boarding a plane to Venezuela for a month where I will get to share the love of my Jesus with students hungry and searching for something in this life to satisfy them. That is Jesus. The only source of satisfaction. The only source. The Source.
I will hopefully be blogging during my time there to let people know just what God has for me there.. so stay tuned for that if you are interested.
Hopefully it won't take me another year to blog..
MaK
I am not sure I can put into words what this past school year has been like in a small enough quantity that you or anyone would want to sit and read it all.. my fourth, but not last; year here at Ohio State has by far been the most challenging relationally, academically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.. and any other "ally" that you can think of to be honest.. I have hated it at times... and rejoiced in it at others.
I have found life in new friendships and have grown to value and not take for granted the friendship of those who have been by my side through hell and back through the past four years. I watched my best friend get married, very soon I will be watching some of the most influential people in my life leave the country. I have broken the hearts of people that I love because of my wretched sin and have seen grace cover it time and time again ( I fail a lot if you didn't catch that). I have experienced joy unspeakable and hit rock bottom, sometimes in the same moment. I have cried tears evoked by pain and sorrow and cried tears that were inspired by none but the Spirit Himself. I laughed. a lot. i like to laugh.
Not many things have remained constant throughout the pats nine months, but the one thing that has remained steady was the Lord's pursuit of more of me throughout it all. There were times when I felt I was all alone, and moments when I knew that He was standing right there beside me. I am learning about what it means to be in a desert place and what it means to be in the garden. and how that can change on a daily basis. it's like a spiritual whiplash. but one that is purging me of the things that keep me from a deeper intimacy with my Maker and my Beloved Pursuer and drawing me into that Secret Place.
The year (school year) is ending with the beginning of a new adventure. One that was very unexpected, that I even was resistant to at the start of it all. I thought that for the first time in three years I would be in Columbus for the summer, making money, ( i am an artist. i have none). But when plans fell through for a job that i was most assured of, I didn't have a plan b. Most smart people have a plan b.. I was pretty flustered with the Lord, I thought that I knew what the Lord wanted for me this summer, but I was wrong. How could be not having this amazing art job, that actually was going to pay me, not be what He wanted? But He is sovereign right? That's the question that I kept asking myself in the days following.
Every time that I would sit and annoyingly pray about my summer, Venezuela ( a country in South America that Ohio State Cru has a partnership with) kept coming to my mind, my heart; something of that nature. To be honest, I was flat out against it. "there is no way that this is where you want me for the summer". That's what I would tell God.. like i had any right to tell God what He wanted for me..
But the more I prayed.. the more it came up. So much so to the point where the Thursday following me not getting the job to prove to God that I wasn't suppose to go... i started filling out the application for the 4 week trip to Valencia, Venezuela.. how that was to prove something. I am not sure. But i argued with the Lord til 3am that night as I filled out the application.
Finally, I came to a point where I told God.. if you want me to go.. you are going to have to flat out tell me.. because I have no idea what you want for me.. I know that God usually doesn't work this way.. He allows us to trust in the discernment and Spirit that He placed within us to make choices.. which scares me that He does that. That He would trust me.. that I would trust Him.. to do what is best for me..
That following Sunday.. I got a call from someone telling me that there was one spot left on the team.. and heard I was thinking about it..
Thanks God. Okay. You want me to go to Venezuela. i get it. I thought that I would be smart and tell God well, if you want me to go, finish my support by June 1st ( I had decided to go almost 5 months after most people and so I had shorter time to raise the full amount to go) But God, He's funny. He's Sovereign. He finished my support three days before June 1st.
So. just a few short days from now I will be boarding a plane to Venezuela for a month where I will get to share the love of my Jesus with students hungry and searching for something in this life to satisfy them. That is Jesus. The only source of satisfaction. The only source. The Source.
I will hopefully be blogging during my time there to let people know just what God has for me there.. so stay tuned for that if you are interested.
Hopefully it won't take me another year to blog..
MaK
